Building a Foundation

One of my fears on this blog is that my use of the words ' almost six years' is going to scare the heck out of you. The fact remains, though, that this is monumental task that we are faced with that cannot be forced. It is a slow process that deserves its due time.

If you find/found yourself in the same place as me - all of a sudden unable to walk in your own shoes - please read on. I am awoken one night and my life has come to a tragic and sudden halt. The shoes that helped me walk thousands of miles throughout my lifetime all of a sudden somehow are not even taking me one step, or so it seemed to me. Truth be told, I did get up, I did get dressed, and amazingly enough, I did get myself to the Airport and on a plane to where Nicholas lived and was at the time of his death, his homeland of Bermuda. When I think about those first moments now, truly, I question how the hell did I manage that???? Point being, I did it! Did I pat myself on the back for doing that? No. Did I ever pat myself on the back for everything else I accomplished while there? No. Did I ever pat myself on the back for getting back to work? No. Did I pat myself on the back for any of those seemingly small accomplishments during the last 5 years? No. As is normal, all I could think about was my pain and misery and loss of love and life with my Nicholas. Everything else was inconsequential. I had never been through anything like this before and had no idea how to deal or notice that I was even dealing.

To make this potentially long post a bit shorter if its not already too late :), I just want mention that you need to recognize your accomplishments, no matter how usual or rote they may be on a usual and 'normal' day. These days and the days yet to come are SO not usual and normal!

These little baby steps are all going to come together and build your foundation for you to continue to leave your foot prints upon and spring forth from when your foundation gets stronger with every step. This takes time, after all, baby steps are pretty tiny, but they MUST NOT go unnoticed. Every single, little thing you accomplish must be recognized and added to your arsenal to rebuild your life.

Please just go easy on yourself, remember to hug yourself, and indulge your pain because when you indulge your pain, you indulge your Soul. Your Soul is your essence and it will lead you forward if you allow it by tending to your/its needs. I don't know if I said this before, but there is no fast forward button with this movie but it is possible for it to have a fulfilling ending for you even if you can't see it now!

Until tomorrow, I wish you sweet dreams or no dreams.

Judy