Home. I walk int
o our home hysterical crying and my ears are humming with the sounds of silence. I look around. What do I do when I am home? I turn on some good jazz and begin cooking dinner with Nick afer a long day's work. Not today and not ever again. I can't remember - how does one breathe again?
o our home hysterical crying and my ears are humming with the sounds of silence. I look around. What do I do when I am home? I turn on some good jazz and begin cooking dinner with Nick afer a long day's work. Not today and not ever again. I can't remember - how does one breathe again? This will always be hard to recall and hard to read for all of us who have reason to be at this blog. I have learned over time that that is ok. The pain does not go away. Facing that one monumental fact sets us on the path to our next just as monumental challenges: Accepting what is and not fighting what is. Realizing that we must create a new existence. Realizing that we have to do this when we don't even know who we are anymore. Easier said than done - understatement of the century! It took me years.
I don't mean to discourage you with the word years but let's face it, like I said, this is monumental stuff. I want to tell you though that once my mantra changed from "This is just not possible" to "I do what I can when I can," I felt the pressure to survive ease up a bit and 'survival' became what it should be - a process. One of the keys for me to be able to let this process take it's course was when I stopped listening to my friends and loved ones telling me "you should be on with your life by now." All I can say is that I love them all dearly and I know that they were just trying to help, but, at the same time, God bless them that they have no idea what I am going through and I am happy for them for that.
For me, my only task at first was to just get through every day at work so that I could take care of the very basics - food, clothing and shelter - and give myself the space and MY time to get through this. Truly, there is no fast forward button here so if you are feeling pressured to master this in society's time frame, it is only going to hinder your process.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it :) ! Please feel free to comment and tell us your story so far.
My best to all,
Judy
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